I haven’t had much to say for days.. honestly, I still don’t.
There’s been so much on my mind that I feel like I’m missing everything going on around me. I mean, I pretty much am, being in the hospital for 6 days, and cooped up in my house for 2 now. The days seem to be flying by. I’ve been so preoccupied trying to be strong for myself and everyone around me, I’ve basically forgotten about everyone..
December hasn’t been good to me. It’s definitely taken it’s toll on me.. mentally, physically, emotionally and most of all, health wise. And that’s before chemo.. imagine when I start. 😬
I start chemo on December 10th, soo in 4 days… I’m doing 12-18 rounds of Temodar. Basically, it’s going to be over the span of 12 (or 18) months, one week a month that I’m going to be taking the chemo orally. Just hoping it’s good to me. And maybe in a few months we’ll be able to revisit radiation. Because this tumor, gotta go!!
I haven’t picked up a guitar in about a week now. My hand doesn’t seem to keep steady anymore. I can’t play any chords bc my hand doesn’t have the strength it used to and it’s getting harder to hold things. I’m dropping things all the time. I’m trying to adjust to not having guitar be a part of me. That’s one more thing cancer is taking away from me. Music and playing has been my life for years and recently, a way to calm my anxiety, but I don’t have that anymore.. I don’t know who I am without it. It’s really hard to stay positive when things like this keep happening.
How do you just accept that this is your life now. I seem to be telling myself this a lot lately. That “this is my life now” because normal is long gone..
Just “one of those girls” one of those strong girls.