March 15th, 2019

I think i should just come right out and say it…

IT GREW.

This son of a bit** grew, again. And I’m pissed.
Two times since September.
Two times since starting treatment.
TWO times in six months.
I think its safe to say I am beyond angry.
I’m way passed frustrated.
You don’t understand the amount of frustration and anger and fear that comes along with news like this. Not until it’s YOU.
The amount of hopelessness.
To be told, for the second time, that this “thing” isn’t responding to the poison and torture you’re putting your body through.

Since being diagnosed, I’ve been told time after time that I’m stubborn, and Lord knows, I AM! But I think I’ve found something more stubborn than me… and I NEED IT GONE.

I think maybe I should give this thing a name, ya know, since it seems to want to stick around and all. Any suggestions?

My options are running out. This chemo was supposed to help. So was the radiation. But both times, its not responding. And honestly, I think I may just about be ready to give up. Throw in the towel because I’m tired.
I’m exhausted.
I’m sad.
I’m broken.
I’m disappointed.
I’m losing all the hope I so desperately clung on to.

How do I keep going, how do I keep fighting when, both times, I’ve gone in with such optimism and HOPE. But it isn’t there anymore.. I’m losing it. How do I let myself keep hoping, keep believing. Someone please, help me understand, because fear and anxiety are eating me alive.

And I may just let them.

Sincerely,
The girl who’s ready to give up

Cancer Uncategorized

klerybee View All →

Just “one of those girls” one of those strong girls.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: